I didn’t watch them this year. I think the last time I watched the Oscars was when Jennifer Lawrence fell down the first time.
I used to care about them a lot when I was in high school. Acting had just started to seem like a possible career dream, and everything that had to do with acting blipped on my radar.
Award shows were a big part of it. I’d already created a mental list of who I was going to thank; future agencies and publicists, future cast members and film crew members, etc.
I was mentally prepped for that night. And then… I stopped caring.
Clearing my Sunday evenings was beginning to feel like a chore. That time of the day had become ‘last minute homework time’ so the award shows took a backseat.
My dream goals also became more clearer. I no longer wanted to be in movies just to get those nominations and make the speeches. My goals became broader, more abstract and–above all–much more real than a little statue.
I developed that oddly-specific dream of starring in a film adaptation of my favorite book Poison by Chris Wooding, with Robert Downey Jr. and Andrew Garfield as co-stars. That’s my #1 dream, ever since I was 16 and first read the book.
And my dream goals kept getting better.
My dream goals now are:
‘starring in films I could be proud of’
‘play roles that help me grow as an actor‘
‘work with amazing people and travel to amazing places’
‘make my family proud that I’m not playing a maid, mistress, or prostitute‘
I realized that my reason for becoming an actress wasn’t to get recognition. If I ever do get recognized, I want it to be by young people that were just like me. I never thought I could be an actress because I didn’t look like other actresses, I didn’t have family members in the industry, and my name comes with rolling r‘s and ends with an -es.
I don’t care about the ‘OscarsSoWhite’ nonsense. If anyone is to blame for the lack of diversity and shortage of prominent roles for POC, it falls on writers for not creating roles for POC actors and studios for not investing in them. We all know what happened with that last Peter Pan movie, which was the most avoidable thing on the planet.
But, back to me….
I no longer find those award shows important or necessary. That’s not why I want to become an actress.
And it should not be the reason why anyone else should. Films were made to tell stories and entertain us, to get the word out about something important or just provide a laugh or two for a couple of hours.
I’m pretty sure I can save up and have someone make me an Oscar or Golden Globe statue anyway. We all know what they look like. An artist could recreate one and spray paint it gold… a bit of gloss or lacquer… and BOOM! I got one!
Thank you for your time.
A short post on recent thoughts. I’m very happy that Leo DiCaprio finally got one, not that he ever needed it to get amazing roles. He seemed to be more famous because he didn’t have one. Now what’re we going to do with all those memes?